BEAUTYremains

On Twitter, #talkaboutyourcrushnight is trending tonight. I can’t fit that into 140 characters. There are WAY too many feels. Like the fact that there’s nothing I want more than to not want you anymore. You treat me like garbage but I sit there like a little puppy and let you kick me again and again. I never complain, because I know it’s my fault. But there’s some part of me that wants absolutely nothing but to be with you. I want to be with you so bad. It literally hurts me. But I don’t expect you to want me. I’ve reached a point in my life where I don’t feel desirable at all. I even promised myself I wouldn’t allow myself to do anything with people unless a) I lose at LEAST 20 pounds and b) I’m actually dating them. I need to learn self respect. But nobody is going to respect me or my body when I look like this. So I’m doing this for me and for you. I’m losing weight so I can feel pretty again, and so maybe you’ll find me pretty and want to be with me seriously. It’s going to be hard, but I can do it because I’m doing it for YOU. I’d literally do anything for you. So I know that if there’s a chance that if I do this I’ll get you, it will get done. Because I more than want you. I think I NEED you.